pohtaytohs: (Kathleen)
[personal profile] pohtaytohs

Hi, pohtaytohs here!  School’s being a bitch right now, so I haven’t been able to get started on update 3.3 yet.  Buuuuut I didn’t want to go fucking forever without an update again, so I thought I’d post a little “experiment” that I did a few weeks ago!
Enjoy!  ;]

Hi, um, I don’t usually do this kind of thing, since I’m not really superstitious or anything, but I need your help. 

Alice the matchmaker: I see.  Well, I’ll see what I can do for you.  What’s the problem?

Lucy: You see, it’s my uncle.

Alice the matchmaker: Oh, you mean the red-headed fatso?  Ah, yes, I know who you’re talking about.  Don’t worry; I have a bulimia serum that will be just perfect---

Lucy: No, no, not Uncle Orenji!  I mean my vampire uncle, Uncle Jeff.

Alice the matchmaker: Ohhhh, I see!  So you’re wanting my famous vampirism antidote, right?

Lucy: Yes, exactly!  He just keeps trying to bite me all the time, and I’m tired of it!  I can’t go on wearing garlic cologne until I leave for college!  I’m a budding young woman; I need a social life! 

Alice the matchmaker: Geez, TMI…

Alice the matchmaker:
Still, though, you’re in luck!  I just brewed up a whole new batch of the stuff this morning!

Lucy: Goody!  <3

Alice the matchmaker: Hold up!  No touching until I see cash.

Lucy: What are you, a prostitute?

Alice the matchmaker:   >=[

Lucy: I mean, um, of course, of course!  Here you go!  Keep the change.  Heh heh…  ^_^"

Lucy: Psst, Uncle Jeff!  I need to talk to you!

Count Jeff: Unh, no…it’s still light out.  I can feel it.  You don’t want me to burn to a crisp, do you?

Lucy: *desperation*  But Uncle Jeff, the house is on fire!

Count Jeff: Good.  You or one of the other six teenagers can call 911.  It’ll give you life experience.

Lucy: *sigh*

Hey, what are you trying to do, anyway?

Lucy: Well, I was gonna get Uncle Jeff out here so I could turn him back into a human, but I don’t think that’s gonna happen at this point.

Wait, seriously?  That sounds fucking hilarious.  I’ll help you.  XD  Just do this.  *whisper whisper whisper*

Lucy: Huh.  I guess it’s worth a try.  Hey, Uncle Jeff, Jasper left out his stash of Playboys!

Count Jeff: Okay, I’m up.  Now where are the goods?  …I mean, uh, my son… so I can scold him and shit.  Yep, my son, not the porn.

Lucy: Oh, he ran off to the living room!  Let me go get him for you, teehee!

Wait, what…?

Count Jeff: Hey, what’s this stuff?  Poison?  Is Renesmee mad at me again?

Lucy: Nope, it’s diet soda!  I bought it just for you!  You just enjoy the zero-calorie goodness while I’m gone!  *snicker*

Are you just gonna leave me here with him?!

Count Jeff: Wow, how sweet of you!  This almost makes me want to quit trying to make you part of my vampire clan!

Lucy: Oh, you…  *gets the hell out of there*

Hey, wait!  Take me with you!  What if he gets mad?!

Count Jeff: Mmm, this is delicious!  Tastes like rainbows and unicorns!

Ah, oh well.  Too late now, I guess.

Count Jeff: Well, now that I’ve taken a good long swig of this, let’s see just what’s in here…  *reads nutritional facts*

Count Jeff: Hey, wait a minute!  I think that little bitch just lied to me!

Uh, I can explain---

Count Jeff: That was regular soda!

…Sure, that’s exactly what I was gonna say.  How awful of her, right?

Count Jeff: Yeah!  Oh god, I’m gonna get as fat as Orenji!  I can just feel my hotness being sucked away!  …Oddly enough, hotness being sucked away kind of feels like burning to death.  Weird, huh?


Jeff: Hey, the burning stopped!  Maybe everything will be okay!


Jeff: What?!  Did I get ugly after all?!


NO.  *drool*

Jeff: Oh, thank goodness! 


Yup, thank goodness.  Thank goodness, Purple Eyes.

Jeff: LOL, they’re red, silly!  Talk about being colorblind!  I actually did used to have purple eyes, though.  But that was before I---


Jeff: Hey, something smells fishy!  How did you know my original eye color??

*gulp*  No reason, I promise!


Jeff: OMG, did you get a time machine and go back into my past?!  ‘Cause that is, like, sooooooo intrusive!!!

What?  No.  Why would I do a stupid-ass thing like that?

Jeff: Oh.  I guess I’m just being para---


Okay, you caught me.  Just calm down and I’ll explain everything.

Jeff: Ohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygod…

Jeff, that’s not being calm.

Jeff: How am I supposed to be calm?!  How am I supposed to deal with this?!

Look, it’s not that big of a change---


Jeff: How will I survive?!  What will I eat?

Um, food.

Jeff: Where will I sleep?

Um, in a bed.

Jeff: But how will I be able to protect my family from the Volturi?!  They’re coming soon and when they see that I’m like this they’ll---

Look, I think you’re getting real life mixed up with your Twilight sexplay.

Sunset: Ooh, sexplay?  Where??


Jeff: Oh, my dear Sunset!  Look at what this shrew has done to me!

Hey!  >=[  Why are you blaming this on me?  It’s Lucy’s fault!


Sunset: Oh, she devampirized you?  How cute!  =D

Jeff: This is NOT cute!  I’ve lost a part of myself, and you’ve lost your Edward!  How could you ever think that’s “cute”?!

Sunset: Oh, honey, I didn’t mean to upset you.  Look, I’ll give you a kiss that’ll make everything all better, okay?

Jeff: Ooh, daytime action?  SCORE!  Maybe being human isn’t so bad after all…  *goes in for the kill*


Sunset: *MAUL*

Jeff: Um, sweetie pie?  You’re hurting me.  *choke*

Sunset: Hold still, baby.  This will all be over soon.

Jeff: She sounds like my old inmate in prison… D8


Sunset: Okay, you’re all better!  Now let’s go back to bed before we turn to ashes. 

Count Jeff: Why didn’t I think of that in the first place?  o_o 

Because you’re you.  =3



Date: 2011-09-17 03:01 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] bolob.livejournal.com
XDDDD So silly. You were bored weren't you dear?

Date: 2011-09-17 12:31 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] pohtaytohs.livejournal.com
How could you tell? XD

Date: 2011-09-19 01:18 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] unsimpathetic.livejournal.com
He was way too normal as a human, even with purple eyes. :P
Never change, Jeffo. XD

Date: 2011-09-19 08:45 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] pohtaytohs.livejournal.com
He really did! I was tempted to just leave him like that, handsome as he was, but it felt too weird! Besides, then he wouldn't make his angry face anymore, and that'd make me sad. =[

Date: 2011-11-20 11:05 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] onilplayer.livejournal.com
How in all seven hells could this little piece of gold escape me?? It's sooooo funny!!! Especially the part where Sunset appears at the mention of sexplay XDD

But the risk of her not liking him anymore was my first thought, too, haha.

What was very weird about his change was my reaction to his skin...I normally really don't like too bright/light (??) skin but Jeff is much more handsome white than "normal"!!! Even though his purple eyes WERE really pretty =3

Still waiting patiently for a new update =D And good luck with school!!

Date: 2011-12-04 07:34 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] pohtaytohs.livejournal.com
Aww, thank you! XD

I admit he was pretty cute as a human, but it was just too...weird. O_O I think I prefer his pale-ass skin, too. Now that I know he has purple eyes, I'm really sad that none of his kids got them!

Ugh, it's been wayyy too long since I last posted! DX I finally finished writing 3.3 today, so hopefully it'll be up in the next week or so, depending on school and if LJ managed to fix their editor or not... And thanks, I'll probably need it, haha! I'm taking my first "hard" classes this year, and of course they decided to make the school day LONGER...*sigh*

Date: 2011-12-04 08:38 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] onilplayer.livejournal.com
Aaaaw, yeah!! Make it quick, pleeeaaase, I can't wait until it's up!! =D

Date: 2011-12-04 07:35 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] pohtaytohs.livejournal.com
Ooh, and I just realized you have a new update of the 3XOs up, so I'm gonna go read it now! I'm so excited!~ ;D


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